Season 1 - Dawn of the Coronation Era

Season 1

Dawn of the Coronation Era

Created: Jan 15, 2023

Written by cheesesnack

Edited by cheesesnack, enbyss

~4 min read

The Dale Recap

The Miami Dale, with some incredible luck in Fall Ball and a drag-out fight against three division rivals lasting until the very last game of the regular season, have managed to enter the postseason in the first season of Blaseball since the apocalyptic events of β24. While the team was eliminated in the quarterfinals, fans have been wildly celebrating such an auspicious season for a team that is not generally known to be a performance powerhouse.

Despite a very early set of victories against the Baltimore Crabs, the Dale slumped throughout the midseason, dropping to last place in the Awful Good division. A late season surge of energy and some favorable scheduling against the struggling Hades Tigers led the team to a 42-48 record, barely scraping past the Baltimore Crabs (41-49) and Philadelphia Pies (40-50). The Dale were swept out of the postseason by the Moab Hellmouth Sunbeams, who were then eliminated by the to-be ILB champion, the Charleston Shoe Thieves.

Throughout the season players continued to fall from the Black Hole. Most of these players simply crashed onto the field and are considered “buried” but several actually collided with active players, pushing them into the shadows and occupying their former slot in the roster. Former Dale players who fell are Wyatt Owens (Los Angeles), Parker Meng (Chicago), Summers Preston (Tokyo), and Francisca Sasquatch (San Francisco). The only player to crash in Miami was Alston Cerveza, a star pitcher of the Expansion era. All of these players are buried and it is not currently known how they might be extracted from the field and placed on a roster.

Election Results

Blaseball fans once again proved to be horrible imps who crave violence, voting to Open the Forbidden Book by an overwhelming 62%. The effects this time have been somewhat more varied, with various unfortunate things happening to the league’s star players. Mexico City’s Anastasia Isarobot was incinerated, replaced by Göran Ndoye. Houston’s Terrel Bradley was alternated. Canada’s Simon Haley was Knighted and was sent to the shadows on a quest, leaving Pixie Carberry to take their place. Hades’ Zephyr Mccloud gained the “Can’t Lose” modification, and fans are speculating that something awful will happen to them when the Tigers inevitably lose their opening game. The Breckenridge Jazz Hands are now the Broken Ridge Jazz Hands, though time will tell if that will actually dampen their enthusiasm.

Closer to home, the Dale won the Randomize Players blessing with 2.9% of the vote. Players affected were Edric Tosser, Serge Shortvat, Eddie Mulberry, and Una Manhattan. This represents three out of our four worst performing batters and our second worst performing pitcher. Tosser especially was one of the worst batters in the league with an OPS+ of 2.2. While Beans McBlase has a worse ERA than Manhattan, Una does hold the worst W/L record on the team. With luck our fielding will remain strong despite these changes.

Several of our rivals within the Awful Good have won powerful blessings. The Crabs won Steal Best Batter, taking former Laredo Excavators shadow Tiera Wigdoubt out of the Black Hole. The Shoe Thieves won Steal Best Pitcher and took incinerated Garages pitcher Derrick Krueger from the Hole. The Tigers Yeeted Eddie Tumblehome into the Hole, getting former Lovers shadow Frazier Tosser back in turn. Finally, Moab’s entire lineup has been boosted by one star. Expect next season to be even more contentious in what is arguably the most competitive division in Blaseball.

Checking in with one of our former Wild Low rivals, the Houston Spies won the Strike Zero blessing, which burdened the Chicago Firefighters with incinerated Garages batter Shaquille Torres. This is unwelcome news in Chicago as the team finished last in the Awful Evil division and was not otherwise improved in the election. Ominously, the Spies have received Strike One due to this blessing. Please be careful with your votes in the future, we wouldn’t want to see a team strike out.

Roster and Changes


Position Name Changes
#1 Edric Tosser Alternated
#2 Joe Vorhees
#3 Yurts Buttercup
#4 Sixpack Santiago
#5 Serge Shortvat Alternated
#6 Emre Graves
#7 Eddie Mulberry Alternated x2
#8 Tahini Poinsettia
#9 Lottie Yoshida


Position Name Changes
#1 Malik Romayne
#2 Richmond Harrison
#3 Una Manhattan Alternated
#4 Beans McBlase
#5 Dunlap Figureroa