nihil

everything bounces back into my line of view, a growing darkness - accumulant of my actions, witnessing a failure by my lonesome around, a regret cascading all tending downward.

‘actions unfounded! meaningless confusions, society unfounded! you are an only one, hopes all unfounded! this is all there is’, a voice swallows all light to see.

and yet everytime, effervescence comes for me, despite being beneath the potential for a happy life, days come along to breathe that fresh joy throughout me, as if nothing matters… so why care?

if the sum total of everything makes each part insignificant, then why should we care about it all? why not choose to care about things on our scale, rather than the infinity we cannot affect?

and as i look around and feel lonely, look around this dark chasm and feel without purpose, i can narrow my focus into what i choose to matter, and see how much joy there’s been hiding beneath the shadows.

so what if everything lacks purpose? so what if there’s no meaning to it all? so what if all these acts we’ve accomplished, have no comprehension in the Grand Scheme?

all that means is the realm of purpose is ripe for the taking - we can choose who and what to matter for ourselves! we don’t have to prescribe to the brutal horror of objectivity - we can simply choose to smile at the sun!

and so i look back from my dark chasm, all the years of pain, all memories, comparisons, the rest - and i simply choose to believe in those and that which truly, truly matter.